whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
