From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
