What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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