VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
