All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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