i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will be naked everywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
