for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize