he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
