how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
