so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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