I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
