I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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