also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
