I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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