I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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