So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
