Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
