grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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