Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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