Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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