Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
