You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
