where am i from again
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
