you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
