Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
