Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
