My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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