And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
