My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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