So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
