I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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