I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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