Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
