Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
