wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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