True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
