Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
