shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
