why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
