her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
