you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
