What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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