so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
