And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
