We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
