I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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