I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
