my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I touched a dick in church today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
