I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
