It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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