I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
