It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
