Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
