who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize