were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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