I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
from now on my penis is your penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
