As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
