Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
