I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
