Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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