i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
