I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
