Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
