i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize