drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
