I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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