I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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