i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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