Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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