I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
