I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
