if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My vagina is very pro this idea
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
