Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
