why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So many bounce houses so little time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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