operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
