Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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