Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
