I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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